The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex straight from the source partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .

But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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